Posted May 30, 2016 on www.caringbridge.org/visit/allisonchaput
Happy Memorial Day to everyone! I hope that you were able to be with your family and friends remembering what this holiday is all about!!! Ian and I didn't make any plans for this weekend as I just didn't know how I would feel after my chemo treatment last week! I sure did miss my family as they were all together in South Dakota this weekend!
My chemo treatment hit me a little harder this go round! I was super tired and nauseous both Thursday and Friday, like I didn't get off the couch all day. My jawbone, step counter says I took 671 steps total for all day Friday….yikes! Saturday, I wasn't as tired, but I had those flu-like aches that they warned me about. There were several times that Ian tried to hug me and it just hurt to the point that I would have rather not been touched. I didn't sleep well on Saturday due to the aches, I should've taken a pain pill, but I didn't. Lesson learned for the next go around! Yesterday and today have been better. I have more energy and my appetite is back! I can deal with a few days of feeling bad if it means that this treatment is working!
Yesterday morning, I had a rough morning. I had been reading a blog all week after my chemo treatment that is written by a girl that was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer at 33 and she has the same mutation that I have. I guess I didn't know anything about the mutation until I read her blog and I now have so many questions for my oncologist when I see her again in 3 weeks. I just had a day of feeling sorry for myself and wondering if I would ever have a moment again where I would go a day without thinking, "I have cancer". And the truth is, no, I will always have this cancer. It is mutation in my DNA so as long as I am alive, I will have to take a drug in order for the mutation to not to invade my body. My immune system doesn't recognize the mutation so it doesn't fight against it. Overall, I am glad that I found her blog and read it, but it also depressed me some. I went to church and had the toughest time getting through mass without crying. At one, point I looked down at my engagement ring and wondered who I would leave it to if I died? Who would carry on my legacy like I carry on my grandma's and Ian's grandma's by wearing their jewelry? Needless to say, I had a down day, but those days are normal and expected. The reality of this all hit me and there I was vulnerable, but then I remembered a text that my older sister sent me when I was in the hospital and having a rough morning, "Tears are prayers when we can't find the words to say." And I cried, I let it all out in church and it felt so good! I know that our Lord had his arms around me, and he was just waiting for me to give it all to him. And I did! It doesn't matter how we treat this, how we deal with this, or how we look at the future, it is all in God's hands, and I have given it all to him!
Today, I am better, but the thoughts of having cancer still crossed my mind multiple times. It has been one month since my diagnosis. When I look back on this month, my life isn't where I wanted it to be or even planned for it to be, but this is my life. I am supposed to be starting a new semester of grad school tomorrow and here I am fighting for my life instead, not something that I ever thought I would have to do. But, I will embrace it and make the most of it. I have no other choice than to be strong and fight with all my might!
Tonight as I lay my head down, I will pray for those that had fought for our country and never made it home, I will pray for mental and emotional peace for myself, I will pray for my family and friends who are fighting along side with me, I will pray for Samantha, the girl in the blog, I will pray for a wonderful week with my friend Rosa. Most importantly, I will thank God for giving me the emotions that it takes to get through this nightmare, for the peace, love, hope, and strength to get through the bad days and make the most of the good days, and I will thank him for him as he has all the control and his will is the way.
Sunday, June 12, 2016
Round #2=DUNZO!!!!
Posted May 25, 2016 on www.caringbridge.org/visit/allisonchaput
I had my second round of chemotherapy today, and I am one step closer to beating this cancer!!! I was so happy to be done, but I am dreading tomorrow as my side effects of fatigue, nausea, and heartburn started the day after I had my first treatment. But I will over come it….I was reminded today that all those nasty side effects are just ridding my body of this cancer! I was a little irritated that it took 2 nurses and 4 sticks later to get an IV in me. I can start all the IV's and give all the shots I want, but once those needles are headed toward my veins, I get a little anxious! When I was in the hospital and it took the lab techs 3 different sticks every time they tried to draw blood, I kept telling myself that this was just the start of it, and boy was I right after today! I will probably not get a port as hopefully, I will only need 2 more treatments and then we will switch to oral form of chemo that targets my mutation. Plus, I don't want a port if I don't have to have one because I don't want it showing on my wedding day!
I had a great conversation with a lady that has been fighting cancer since she was 18 and is now in her mid-40's. She was so positive and the sweetest lady! Say a few prayers for her, she needs them as she is fighting a reoccurrence of endometrial cancer, but it now in her abdomen and spread to her lungs. Even through her diagnosis, she was giving me advice and was incredibly sincere! My heart just breaks for her! I enjoyed her conversation!
Thank you from the bottom of heart to my co-worker and friend, Shannan! Shannan dropped everything and took my to my chemo appointment today and bought me lunch! We had a great conversation and the treatment went by so fast when you are catching it up with a friend! I was relieved that she was able to go with me! Thank you so much!!!
I also want to thank everyone who has donated to my youcaring.com site! I am overwhelmed by the amount of generosity from each and everyone of you! Words can't express how honored I am that I have all of your support! My heart is so incredibly full!! I wish that is was possible to thank each of you personally, but know that I am so grateful for you! All the funds raised on that site will go toward my medical bills! Thanks again!
This morning I prayed for strength to get through my chemo treatment, I prayed for the nurses that would be administering my treatment, I thanked God for being able to keep my life as normal as possible, I thanked God for my amazing support system, I prayed for everyone that has donated to my website, I thanked God for my life, and of, course I thanked him for him who has given me peace, faith, strength, love, hope, and the mechanism of fighting through difficulties with as much dignity as I can!
I had my second round of chemotherapy today, and I am one step closer to beating this cancer!!! I was so happy to be done, but I am dreading tomorrow as my side effects of fatigue, nausea, and heartburn started the day after I had my first treatment. But I will over come it….I was reminded today that all those nasty side effects are just ridding my body of this cancer! I was a little irritated that it took 2 nurses and 4 sticks later to get an IV in me. I can start all the IV's and give all the shots I want, but once those needles are headed toward my veins, I get a little anxious! When I was in the hospital and it took the lab techs 3 different sticks every time they tried to draw blood, I kept telling myself that this was just the start of it, and boy was I right after today! I will probably not get a port as hopefully, I will only need 2 more treatments and then we will switch to oral form of chemo that targets my mutation. Plus, I don't want a port if I don't have to have one because I don't want it showing on my wedding day!
I had a great conversation with a lady that has been fighting cancer since she was 18 and is now in her mid-40's. She was so positive and the sweetest lady! Say a few prayers for her, she needs them as she is fighting a reoccurrence of endometrial cancer, but it now in her abdomen and spread to her lungs. Even through her diagnosis, she was giving me advice and was incredibly sincere! My heart just breaks for her! I enjoyed her conversation!
Thank you from the bottom of heart to my co-worker and friend, Shannan! Shannan dropped everything and took my to my chemo appointment today and bought me lunch! We had a great conversation and the treatment went by so fast when you are catching it up with a friend! I was relieved that she was able to go with me! Thank you so much!!!
I also want to thank everyone who has donated to my youcaring.com site! I am overwhelmed by the amount of generosity from each and everyone of you! Words can't express how honored I am that I have all of your support! My heart is so incredibly full!! I wish that is was possible to thank each of you personally, but know that I am so grateful for you! All the funds raised on that site will go toward my medical bills! Thanks again!
This morning I prayed for strength to get through my chemo treatment, I prayed for the nurses that would be administering my treatment, I thanked God for being able to keep my life as normal as possible, I thanked God for my amazing support system, I prayed for everyone that has donated to my website, I thanked God for my life, and of, course I thanked him for him who has given me peace, faith, strength, love, hope, and the mechanism of fighting through difficulties with as much dignity as I can!
Wiggin' Out
Posted May 20, 2016 on www.caringbridge.org/visit/allisonchaput
I never in my life thought I would end up at a wig boutique buying a wig for my potential hair loss due to chemotherapy. On, Wednesday I did just that! My good friends Sabra and Ting were by my side helping me pick out a wig! Even though it's not what I wanted to be doing or what I wanted to be buying, the ladies at the boutique made it an amazing experience! They were so knowledgeable about cancer and chemotherapy. And about wigs! Who knew that there was that much to know about wigs! The lady helping me predicts that I will only have 20-30% of my hair left after treatment. If any one has ran their hands through my hair they know that 20-30% left of this already thin and fine hair is basically nothing, so I bought my wig! It matched my hair color perfectly and is just a touch longer than my hair now as I wanted long for an up- do for my wedding! This thin and fine head of hair will find itself buzzed and maybe an of the wall color when it starts falling out or thinning! When will I ever have an excuse to do something crazy with my hair and still have my dad smile when I walk in the door, NEVER! So, why not!?!?!
My hair has not started falling out yet, but along with wanting my first chemo treatment to be in control, I want to be prepared. Plus I refuse to be the bald bridesmaid in my friends wedding in June!
Last night and this morning all of my prayers were lifted up for my aunt, my mom's little sister, who is having surgery today for renal cell carcinoma. My aunt is the one who took me in when I was a travel nurse in Hays, KS. Her and her husband never thought twice about letting me stay with them on their farm for 3 months, and boy, did I learn a lot by being on that farm! So, if you have a few mintues today, say a prayer for her and her family!
I never in my life thought I would end up at a wig boutique buying a wig for my potential hair loss due to chemotherapy. On, Wednesday I did just that! My good friends Sabra and Ting were by my side helping me pick out a wig! Even though it's not what I wanted to be doing or what I wanted to be buying, the ladies at the boutique made it an amazing experience! They were so knowledgeable about cancer and chemotherapy. And about wigs! Who knew that there was that much to know about wigs! The lady helping me predicts that I will only have 20-30% of my hair left after treatment. If any one has ran their hands through my hair they know that 20-30% left of this already thin and fine hair is basically nothing, so I bought my wig! It matched my hair color perfectly and is just a touch longer than my hair now as I wanted long for an up- do for my wedding! This thin and fine head of hair will find itself buzzed and maybe an of the wall color when it starts falling out or thinning! When will I ever have an excuse to do something crazy with my hair and still have my dad smile when I walk in the door, NEVER! So, why not!?!?!
My hair has not started falling out yet, but along with wanting my first chemo treatment to be in control, I want to be prepared. Plus I refuse to be the bald bridesmaid in my friends wedding in June!
Last night and this morning all of my prayers were lifted up for my aunt, my mom's little sister, who is having surgery today for renal cell carcinoma. My aunt is the one who took me in when I was a travel nurse in Hays, KS. Her and her husband never thought twice about letting me stay with them on their farm for 3 months, and boy, did I learn a lot by being on that farm! So, if you have a few mintues today, say a prayer for her and her family!
Small Town Girl
Posted May 15, 2016 on www.caringbridge.org/visit/allisonchaput
I've always been proud to be from a small town….a place where I didn't have a worry in the world when I was growing up! My mom and dad could let us loose on our bikes or roller blades and they didn't have to worry about who would take us. Since my diagnosis, I didn't know exactly how powerful a small town is. The cards, care packages, gifts, messages, and texts that I have received from my small town have been amazing.
Some people I talk to quite often, others I haven't talked to since we have graduated high school, but none the less, you have all pulled together to make this small town girl feel very loved!
Yesterday, I had breakfast with several of my high school classmates and we always pick up right where we left off. But, after breakfast, I was presented with the most thoughtful gift ever!
To the Class of 2002,
I am proud to have graduated with such an amazing group of people. As we all grew up and went our separate directions, life has carried to all end of the earth, but we have never strayed from each other at heart. I thank you from the very bottom of my heart for the amazing gift card for sushi for when I win this battle. I will remember each and every one of you as I am listening to the play list you made me, and the memories of when those songs playing during our time growing up together. As I fight this battle, I am so very confident that you all have my back. There is a lot to be said about child hood friends. As each of you pray for me during this journey know that I am praying for you all! Thank you! Holly, Jeff, Amanda, Kendra, and Travis….thank you for breakfast and making the time to see me! It was great to see all of you!
To the 510 Fitness group,
Thank you so very much for the beautiful cross that you sent me! It's hanging on the wall and continuously reminds me of staying hopeful through this journey! Do me a favor, hug that sister of mine! As much as she tries to stay strong, she needs a big hug….don't let that smile of hers fool you! The next time I am home, I will be joining in on the fun at the 510 garage!!!
To all of my parents friends,
Thank you for supporting my mom and dad while they are home. I know they so badly want to be here 24/7, but the reality is, they need their life to be normal too. I appreciate all you did for them while they were here in Denver for the 5 days I was in the hospital. I know it kind of feels to some of you that your own daughter has cancer, but know that I am good and strong! I will be home as soon as I can, and I will be waiting to see you all! Rich and Joyce, thank you so very much for driving to Denver to see me while I was in the hospital! I don't remember much of that day, but thank you for being there for my mom and dad!
To everyone that has sent a card,
Even though some of your return addresses are from different states, and some are from Oakley, know that I smiled every time I opened one! To get a card from some people that I just merely keep up with on Facebook warmed my heart tremendously!
To all those you donated on my you caring.com site,
Thank you so very much for your generosity. Know that what is being raised there will be going to all my medical bills as they start to come in. I take those donations very seriously. I will forever be indebted to you! Thank you!
You all know how to make your own feel like a queen! Our town may be small, but you are mighty and fight hard for your own. I am so very proud to call Oakley my hometown! Thank you all so much for everything that you have done for me, my parents, and my sisters during this difficult time in our lives! We may look strong and courageous, but we all have days were we are not, don't hesitate to give us a hug! Love and prayers to each and everyone of you!
I've always been proud to be from a small town….a place where I didn't have a worry in the world when I was growing up! My mom and dad could let us loose on our bikes or roller blades and they didn't have to worry about who would take us. Since my diagnosis, I didn't know exactly how powerful a small town is. The cards, care packages, gifts, messages, and texts that I have received from my small town have been amazing.
Some people I talk to quite often, others I haven't talked to since we have graduated high school, but none the less, you have all pulled together to make this small town girl feel very loved!
Yesterday, I had breakfast with several of my high school classmates and we always pick up right where we left off. But, after breakfast, I was presented with the most thoughtful gift ever!
To the Class of 2002,
I am proud to have graduated with such an amazing group of people. As we all grew up and went our separate directions, life has carried to all end of the earth, but we have never strayed from each other at heart. I thank you from the very bottom of my heart for the amazing gift card for sushi for when I win this battle. I will remember each and every one of you as I am listening to the play list you made me, and the memories of when those songs playing during our time growing up together. As I fight this battle, I am so very confident that you all have my back. There is a lot to be said about child hood friends. As each of you pray for me during this journey know that I am praying for you all! Thank you! Holly, Jeff, Amanda, Kendra, and Travis….thank you for breakfast and making the time to see me! It was great to see all of you!
To the 510 Fitness group,
Thank you so very much for the beautiful cross that you sent me! It's hanging on the wall and continuously reminds me of staying hopeful through this journey! Do me a favor, hug that sister of mine! As much as she tries to stay strong, she needs a big hug….don't let that smile of hers fool you! The next time I am home, I will be joining in on the fun at the 510 garage!!!
To all of my parents friends,
Thank you for supporting my mom and dad while they are home. I know they so badly want to be here 24/7, but the reality is, they need their life to be normal too. I appreciate all you did for them while they were here in Denver for the 5 days I was in the hospital. I know it kind of feels to some of you that your own daughter has cancer, but know that I am good and strong! I will be home as soon as I can, and I will be waiting to see you all! Rich and Joyce, thank you so very much for driving to Denver to see me while I was in the hospital! I don't remember much of that day, but thank you for being there for my mom and dad!
To everyone that has sent a card,
Even though some of your return addresses are from different states, and some are from Oakley, know that I smiled every time I opened one! To get a card from some people that I just merely keep up with on Facebook warmed my heart tremendously!
To all those you donated on my you caring.com site,
Thank you so very much for your generosity. Know that what is being raised there will be going to all my medical bills as they start to come in. I take those donations very seriously. I will forever be indebted to you! Thank you!
You all know how to make your own feel like a queen! Our town may be small, but you are mighty and fight hard for your own. I am so very proud to call Oakley my hometown! Thank you all so much for everything that you have done for me, my parents, and my sisters during this difficult time in our lives! We may look strong and courageous, but we all have days were we are not, don't hesitate to give us a hug! Love and prayers to each and everyone of you!
2 weeks
Posted May 13, 2016 on www.caringbridge.org/visit/allisonchaput
I can't believe that it has been 2 weeks since I diagnosed with lung cancer. They always say time flies when you are having fun, but is there a saying for when time is flying and you aren't having fun? This is not fun, but I am embracing it with who I am!
I met with my oncologist yesterday for my post 1 week chemo infusion. She is just amazing, and she made me feel amazing as she commented on how good I looked! I wanted to say, "Well lady, you saw me a my worst in the ICU with no-make-up for days and greasy hair!" The results of my mutations are in and I am negative for the ALK mutation, so I will not be entering into a clinical trial at the University Medical Center here in Denver as they have just started a trial for patients with the ALK mutation and now that I am negative for that mutation I am not eligible. Ian said, "That's ok, you don't want to be lab rat for the next year, do you?" He is always finding a way to make me smile these days! However, I am positive for the EGFR mutation. This is a mutation in the epidermal growth factor receptor and is normal for healthy cell growth. Since mine is mutated, I got cancer because the cells grew too rapidly and with the mutation were unhealthy cells. If that all makes since…I have been doing my research this morning on the EGFR mutation and I am not even close to being done with researching! So, my oncologist is recommending that we continue the aggressive chemotherapy treatment (carboplatin and alimta) that I am currently on for 4 rounds, a total of 12 weeks. After the 4th round, we will do the scans again and see where we are with tumor shrinkage and decided if we will switch to the drug that specific for the mutation or continue on with the current treatment plan for several more rounds. I did have my labs drawn as my counts should be a an all time low right about now, but everything looked good. My WBCs have decreased, but are still normal! While I have been at the Porter Cancer Center, I am now going to go to the Parker Cancer Center as it is closer to my house and my oncologist goes there too! It made more sense to Ian and I to be closer to home, like 10 minutes from home!
I also had an ECHO yesterday to make sure that there is no more fluid build around my heart and that the surgery that I had on 4/30 worked….and it did! I meet with my surgeon and there is no fluid around my heart. The fluid around my right lung that was drained during surgery is not malignant!! He said, that he didn't think that it was as it looked like heart failure fluid and was caused because of the pressure on my heart. The fluid was clear, thin, and serous; definitely nothing like the fluid around my heart which was bloody!
I have been feeling great! I have more energy and my appetite is back! Although I have lost 13 lbs. in the last two weeks….but who's complaining about that…definitely not me!!! I just wish it didn't take getting diagnosed with cancer to lose weight!!! I finished my final and am just preparing for my assessment check-off and I will be done with school until probably January. I have taken a liking to herbal tea since I can't stand the sight of coffee! Even when I open the pantry door and see a breakfast blend box of k-cups sitting on the shelf, I want to vomit! I continue to get well wishes from everywhere and I am over joyed at the support that I have behind me!
This weekend, my best friend from high school and a couple other high friends are coming and we will be going out for brunch and just hanging out. Ian and I have a birthday party Saturday afternoon for one of his friends that we will go to. We have a busy weekend, but I wouldn't want it any other way!!! Busy is our normal!
Last night before I went to bed I thanked God for his almighty sense of peace, I have sure felt peace recently with how things are going and my diagnosis; I thanked him for my amazing cousins that sent the best care package ever, they sure nailed it; I thanked him for my oncologist and the professionals at the cancer center; they are all amazing; I thanked him for every breath he has allowed me to take; I sure took it for granted before my diagnosis; and of course, I thanked him for him; I am at awe at his compassion, mercy, faith, hope, and love and I am surrounded in it every day!!
I met with my oncologist yesterday for my post 1 week chemo infusion. She is just amazing, and she made me feel amazing as she commented on how good I looked! I wanted to say, "Well lady, you saw me a my worst in the ICU with no-make-up for days and greasy hair!" The results of my mutations are in and I am negative for the ALK mutation, so I will not be entering into a clinical trial at the University Medical Center here in Denver as they have just started a trial for patients with the ALK mutation and now that I am negative for that mutation I am not eligible. Ian said, "That's ok, you don't want to be lab rat for the next year, do you?" He is always finding a way to make me smile these days! However, I am positive for the EGFR mutation. This is a mutation in the epidermal growth factor receptor and is normal for healthy cell growth. Since mine is mutated, I got cancer because the cells grew too rapidly and with the mutation were unhealthy cells. If that all makes since…I have been doing my research this morning on the EGFR mutation and I am not even close to being done with researching! So, my oncologist is recommending that we continue the aggressive chemotherapy treatment (carboplatin and alimta) that I am currently on for 4 rounds, a total of 12 weeks. After the 4th round, we will do the scans again and see where we are with tumor shrinkage and decided if we will switch to the drug that specific for the mutation or continue on with the current treatment plan for several more rounds. I did have my labs drawn as my counts should be a an all time low right about now, but everything looked good. My WBCs have decreased, but are still normal! While I have been at the Porter Cancer Center, I am now going to go to the Parker Cancer Center as it is closer to my house and my oncologist goes there too! It made more sense to Ian and I to be closer to home, like 10 minutes from home!
I also had an ECHO yesterday to make sure that there is no more fluid build around my heart and that the surgery that I had on 4/30 worked….and it did! I meet with my surgeon and there is no fluid around my heart. The fluid around my right lung that was drained during surgery is not malignant!! He said, that he didn't think that it was as it looked like heart failure fluid and was caused because of the pressure on my heart. The fluid was clear, thin, and serous; definitely nothing like the fluid around my heart which was bloody!
I have been feeling great! I have more energy and my appetite is back! Although I have lost 13 lbs. in the last two weeks….but who's complaining about that…definitely not me!!! I just wish it didn't take getting diagnosed with cancer to lose weight!!! I finished my final and am just preparing for my assessment check-off and I will be done with school until probably January. I have taken a liking to herbal tea since I can't stand the sight of coffee! Even when I open the pantry door and see a breakfast blend box of k-cups sitting on the shelf, I want to vomit! I continue to get well wishes from everywhere and I am over joyed at the support that I have behind me!
This weekend, my best friend from high school and a couple other high friends are coming and we will be going out for brunch and just hanging out. Ian and I have a birthday party Saturday afternoon for one of his friends that we will go to. We have a busy weekend, but I wouldn't want it any other way!!! Busy is our normal!
Last night before I went to bed I thanked God for his almighty sense of peace, I have sure felt peace recently with how things are going and my diagnosis; I thanked him for my amazing cousins that sent the best care package ever, they sure nailed it; I thanked him for my oncologist and the professionals at the cancer center; they are all amazing; I thanked him for every breath he has allowed me to take; I sure took it for granted before my diagnosis; and of course, I thanked him for him; I am at awe at his compassion, mercy, faith, hope, and love and I am surrounded in it every day!!
My heart is overflowing
Posted May 9, 2016 on www.caringbridge.org/visit/allisonchaput
To say that my heart is overflowing is an understatement! I have been so touched by all the calls, texts, cards, flowers, packages, and comments on this site. You all are helping me through this journey and will continue to as I re-read every single comment.
First of all, I want to say Happy Mother's Day to all my beautiful friends and family….I was lucky enough to spend Mother's Day with both of my moms! My mom was here and so was Ian's mom, and we had a joyous time! We were able to get some wedding stuff done and just spend time with each other. My mom and I were even able to take a nap together and it was wonderful being able to snuggle with my mama!
My side effects haven't been to bad. I think that I am mostly just anxious as I don't know what I am suppose to feel. I have been tired, nauseous, and had horrible heartburn, but the flu-like symptoms never showed up! I'm loving nightly soaks in epsom salt with lavender. Today, I have more energy and am not nauseous! I am upset that I am just not feeling coffee….I love coffee, but just the smell of it makes my stomach turn!
I am continuing to work on my class and will take my final on Wednesday. After my final, I will just have to schedule my assessment check-off with my professor as I was suppose to do it when I was in the hospital. After this class, I will take a break from school in order to take care of myself. It saddens me that I will have to take a break, but I know that it is most important to take care of me at this point!
Ian and I were talking the other day about me taking a break from school, and I looked at him and said, "Remember 3 weeks ago, when we were talking about my school, and I had it all planned out and when we would start to try to have kids so that we would have a baby right after I graduated?" He just laughed at me and said you are always planning everything out. I responded with, "God sure had his laugh at me planning out our life." I guess that's what I get for trying to plan everything out! You never know what life will bring you!
As I have seen a lot of pictures pop up on Facebook, I often catch myself wondering if I had cancer in many of the pictures. It's hard not to think about when this nasty disease started invading my body and pictures from the past make me wonder. I look at my face and see how happy I was, and then it hits me, I could have been growing this nasty stuff then.
We continue on with daily life as it is right now. Ian is working and needs to in order to keep his mind occupied and to bring in the cash flow! HAHA!! I tease him that he is my sugar daddy! I am working on our marriage requirements and class! We will have a normal life! That is all I want….I don't want this cancer to define our lives, we will define the cancer! The one thing that stuck with me during our education session with the nurse practitioner was when she said, "The only restrictions we put on you are the restrictions that you put on yourself." I was so happy that I don't have to live in a bubble and sit on my couch during my treatment. My mom and I talked about me going back to work when I am released, and I figured that she would hesitate in wanting me to do that, but we both agreed that I need to go back to work in order for things to be normal.
Today, I sat and thanked God for the sunshine, for giving me the strength to get through my first treatment, for surrounding me in his love when I was in church on Sunday (I sure felt it and had tears flowing from my eyes), for giving me people that love me, for giving me this life, and for him. He continues to give me the strength, faith, love, and courage that I need! Each day gets better!
First of all, I want to say Happy Mother's Day to all my beautiful friends and family….I was lucky enough to spend Mother's Day with both of my moms! My mom was here and so was Ian's mom, and we had a joyous time! We were able to get some wedding stuff done and just spend time with each other. My mom and I were even able to take a nap together and it was wonderful being able to snuggle with my mama!
My side effects haven't been to bad. I think that I am mostly just anxious as I don't know what I am suppose to feel. I have been tired, nauseous, and had horrible heartburn, but the flu-like symptoms never showed up! I'm loving nightly soaks in epsom salt with lavender. Today, I have more energy and am not nauseous! I am upset that I am just not feeling coffee….I love coffee, but just the smell of it makes my stomach turn!
I am continuing to work on my class and will take my final on Wednesday. After my final, I will just have to schedule my assessment check-off with my professor as I was suppose to do it when I was in the hospital. After this class, I will take a break from school in order to take care of myself. It saddens me that I will have to take a break, but I know that it is most important to take care of me at this point!
Ian and I were talking the other day about me taking a break from school, and I looked at him and said, "Remember 3 weeks ago, when we were talking about my school, and I had it all planned out and when we would start to try to have kids so that we would have a baby right after I graduated?" He just laughed at me and said you are always planning everything out. I responded with, "God sure had his laugh at me planning out our life." I guess that's what I get for trying to plan everything out! You never know what life will bring you!
As I have seen a lot of pictures pop up on Facebook, I often catch myself wondering if I had cancer in many of the pictures. It's hard not to think about when this nasty disease started invading my body and pictures from the past make me wonder. I look at my face and see how happy I was, and then it hits me, I could have been growing this nasty stuff then.
We continue on with daily life as it is right now. Ian is working and needs to in order to keep his mind occupied and to bring in the cash flow! HAHA!! I tease him that he is my sugar daddy! I am working on our marriage requirements and class! We will have a normal life! That is all I want….I don't want this cancer to define our lives, we will define the cancer! The one thing that stuck with me during our education session with the nurse practitioner was when she said, "The only restrictions we put on you are the restrictions that you put on yourself." I was so happy that I don't have to live in a bubble and sit on my couch during my treatment. My mom and I talked about me going back to work when I am released, and I figured that she would hesitate in wanting me to do that, but we both agreed that I need to go back to work in order for things to be normal.
Today, I sat and thanked God for the sunshine, for giving me the strength to get through my first treatment, for surrounding me in his love when I was in church on Sunday (I sure felt it and had tears flowing from my eyes), for giving me people that love me, for giving me this life, and for him. He continues to give me the strength, faith, love, and courage that I need! Each day gets better!
I am now in control!
Posted May 5, 2016 on www.caringbridge.org/visit/allisonchaput
Waking up this morning was rough on me. There were tears; lots of tears. Little Mia was there to lick them away; oh that puppy, how I love her! I woke up and said my prayers, thanking God that I am alive and that I am breathing; but the thought of chemo bombarded my head, and I couldn't hold back the tears. I like to think that the tears were both those of happy ones and those of being overwhelmed and still living in this nightmare. I was happy because finally the day had come that I was going to be in control of the cancer, but also overwhelmed because the fact is, I still have cancer. I woke up to about 25 text messages and over 50 Facebook notifications….what love I am feeling! Believe me when I say that I am feeling each and everyone of your prayers, good vibes, positive thoughts, and tears!!! Oh how, I love you all!
Round #1 of chemo is finished, and I am at more peace than I ever thought I would be. Ian told me to today that I look more like myself than I have in the last week. That made me smile, and know that on my heart I am now moving forward. The two days between getting discharged from the hospital and sitting at home waiting around for my first chemotherapy treatment was long and grueling. All that ran through my head was that I was just sitting here, letting this cancer grow in me and I'm not doing anything about it. The cancer had control of my life. With the cancer in control, I wasn't sure what my future held, I wasn't sure how normal my life would be again, I wasn't sure what activities I could continue to do. Could I go to my friend's bachelorette party in a few weeks? Would I ruin her wedding pictures because I was the bald bridesmaid? I felt like my job, my life, my world, and my happiness were taken away from me.
My chemo infusion lasted about 2.5 hours this morning. My mom, dad, Ian, and his mom were there with my every step of the way. We had an hour session of education, that we all needed. I mean, I have been an ICU nurse for 9 years now, but oncology and chemotherapy is so foreign to me. The number one bummer; I can't have sushi for at least 18 weeks, and I am already counting the days until I can eat sushi!!!
The NP assumes that I will start to have symptoms on Sunday, and they will be flu-like symptoms; aching and fatigue. I will have time to get to Blackhawk this weekend with my family for some wedding planning before I start to feel like poo! My dad told me today while he was sitting with me that he just wanted the mega dose, for me to feel like shit, and then in 6 months I would feel better than ever…oh my dad, he wants this gone so bad, we all do! But the reality is, we wait. We have chemo, we wait for it to destroy the cells, we get more scans, and we wait. One thing that I have learned about my dad this last week is that he has NO patience at all; and we all thought he was calm and patient and the peace maker!
I finally feel like I am in control of this disease and that it is being killed and removed from my body. I will be off work for at least 6 weeks, but much to my surprise I was told that I would be able to return to work even when I am receiving chemo. I was shocked; I thought there was no way they would let me work the whole 18 weeks of treatment. We will reevaluate my return to work in the middle of June; and that gives me time to know how my body will react to chemo and how to coordinate my schedule with the chemo. At least one thing will be normal in my life; work!
I will go to sleep tonight thanking God for the drugs that do kill the cancer, thanking him for my life, thanking him for Ian, thanking him for all the friends he has placed in my life, thanking him for my loving family who dropped everything at midnight on a Wednesday night when I called and drove 3.5 hours to be with me through this nightmare, and I will thank him mostly for him; the one that gives me the strength, courage, hope, power, and love to beat this awful disease!
Here's to getting through the next 3 weeks; round two will be on May 26th!!!
Round #1 of chemo is finished, and I am at more peace than I ever thought I would be. Ian told me to today that I look more like myself than I have in the last week. That made me smile, and know that on my heart I am now moving forward. The two days between getting discharged from the hospital and sitting at home waiting around for my first chemotherapy treatment was long and grueling. All that ran through my head was that I was just sitting here, letting this cancer grow in me and I'm not doing anything about it. The cancer had control of my life. With the cancer in control, I wasn't sure what my future held, I wasn't sure how normal my life would be again, I wasn't sure what activities I could continue to do. Could I go to my friend's bachelorette party in a few weeks? Would I ruin her wedding pictures because I was the bald bridesmaid? I felt like my job, my life, my world, and my happiness were taken away from me.
My chemo infusion lasted about 2.5 hours this morning. My mom, dad, Ian, and his mom were there with my every step of the way. We had an hour session of education, that we all needed. I mean, I have been an ICU nurse for 9 years now, but oncology and chemotherapy is so foreign to me. The number one bummer; I can't have sushi for at least 18 weeks, and I am already counting the days until I can eat sushi!!!
The NP assumes that I will start to have symptoms on Sunday, and they will be flu-like symptoms; aching and fatigue. I will have time to get to Blackhawk this weekend with my family for some wedding planning before I start to feel like poo! My dad told me today while he was sitting with me that he just wanted the mega dose, for me to feel like shit, and then in 6 months I would feel better than ever…oh my dad, he wants this gone so bad, we all do! But the reality is, we wait. We have chemo, we wait for it to destroy the cells, we get more scans, and we wait. One thing that I have learned about my dad this last week is that he has NO patience at all; and we all thought he was calm and patient and the peace maker!
I finally feel like I am in control of this disease and that it is being killed and removed from my body. I will be off work for at least 6 weeks, but much to my surprise I was told that I would be able to return to work even when I am receiving chemo. I was shocked; I thought there was no way they would let me work the whole 18 weeks of treatment. We will reevaluate my return to work in the middle of June; and that gives me time to know how my body will react to chemo and how to coordinate my schedule with the chemo. At least one thing will be normal in my life; work!
I will go to sleep tonight thanking God for the drugs that do kill the cancer, thanking him for my life, thanking him for Ian, thanking him for all the friends he has placed in my life, thanking him for my loving family who dropped everything at midnight on a Wednesday night when I called and drove 3.5 hours to be with me through this nightmare, and I will thank him mostly for him; the one that gives me the strength, courage, hope, power, and love to beat this awful disease!
Here's to getting through the next 3 weeks; round two will be on May 26th!!!
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