Simple Reminders

Yesterday's post was a little depressing, and while I have read it over and over again, the last time I read it, which was right before I opened this tab for a new post, I didn't cry.  Those tears are put away!  I made a promise to myself when I got off work this morning and crawled into bed that I was not going to shed one more tear over this situation….instead, I am going to hold my head high, move on, and remember the fun, happy times I had with the person that disappointed me.  There were soooo many great times, and I don't regret any of those moments for a second, so I will remember them and continue through this journey.

After I made this promise to myself, I was actually able to have a restful sleep, and I woke up with a smile on my face!  It's the simple little reminders that you get when you are down that help with your healing.

The ones that I received today were:
*a snap chat from my sister of the cutest little nephew ever with the biggest smile on his face
*a friend that posted a "Brave" saying on Facebook that actually made my heart smile
*a delicious blended ice coffee that I made…oh boy was is yummy
*puppy kisses when I opened my eyes and saw the cutest little face just waiting for me to wake up
*a smile from a stranger when I was out walking Mia

This day is a new day…and I, my friends will conquer it!

Disappointment

DISAPPOINTMENT...This word seems to be my major defeat right now.  I have a lot of people in my life that I love, trust, and cherish.  Then there are those people, the ones that you least expect that will tear you down, disappoint you, prove they aren't who they said they were….and well, you reap the emotions of pain, anxiety, tears, and heartache.
Yesterday, I was sorely disappointed by one person that I trust and KNEW was a genuinely good person.  As, I tossed and turned last night replaying every moment in my head, trying to figure out what happened, and just yearning for the feelings of hurt and disappointment to go way, I pleaded with my God to free me…
Free me from the pain….
Free me from the tears…
Free me from the anxiety…
….Just free me….
I begged for him to take my hand and lead to the path that he has built for me…one that I know doesn't have this feeling of disappointment in it.

As I fell into a restless sleep full of unwanted dreams, I was still full of all those emotional feelings that no one wants to feel.  I woke up this morning unsure of how to conquer this day…not quite sure how I felt, what I was going to do about the disappointment I was experiencing, but I dragged myself out of bed, pulled on my workout gear, painted a fake happy face on…

As I got into my car, I was longing for a song that would speak to my heart, I prayed for one…
…one that would make me smile a genuine smile.
…one that would touch my heart with a little happiness.
…one that would put my head in a good place.
And there it was…a song that I have loved since I first heard it…and it has always spoken to my heart. One that I know is oh so true!  I have only listened to it about 17 times this morning!  I began wishing that home wasn't 3.5 hours away…I need that feeling of love from people that don't struggle to give out me…the love that comes easy for them.

Through my sadness and tears, I know that I have big things ahead me.  I will not be down forever, but a girl has to cry every once in a while.  These tears were brought on by someone that I trusted, loved, enjoyed spending time with, and was able to talk to in a way that I have never been able to talk to anyone…and when those things are gone, tears are warranted! 

I have read this saying many of times before, but today, I needed it more than ever!  I have strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way…all because of HIM! 

Summer 2014

Once again I start out by saying that it's been a long time since I have written in my little space on the internet.  It's been since March, the beginning of Lent.  I find myself saying, it's August already…where has this summer gone?  My summer happenings have been fun, busy, full of love, and most of all full of peace.  Since, my summer was a busy rush that just flew right past me, I will mark it with bullet points and hit the details!

*My first niece Leah Mary was born at the end of May and of course I made a trip to the tundra to love on that little girl!  She is absolutely adorable.  I learned that there is always enough room in an auntie's heart for more nieces and nephews!

* I got to take the road trip to the tundra with my little sister and her adorable son while following my mom and dad!  We made this trip through the plains of KS, NE, and SD on two-lane highways.  It was like a game of chicken when trying to pass the ever so slow cars that were in front of us!

*One of my best friends from high school had her second son, Archer in June!  I love watching my friends become mother's…it never gets old!!!

*I did a lot of hiking from the end of May to the middle of June and loved every minute of it!  Colorado is beautiful and the scenery never gets old. Mia even got to join in on one hike!!!

*Red Rocks concert for the 4th of July was amazing!  The fireworks all over the city were awesome to watch when you are at one of the most beautiful outdoor venues in the the state!  

*Rockies games with friends are bound to be the best time ever!!!  Even though you don't even find your seat or know who won when you leave the stadium! 

*Through all the hiking I did this summer I would have to say that the incline hike in Colorado Springs was the toughest by far!  2000 ft. of elevation gain in less than a mile just might kill anyone, however I live to talk about it!  It was a great hike and very rewarding!  

* I found love and I lost it…but that's ok!  You win some, you lose some.  While it sucks and sometimes you don't understand…you can chose to dwell on it or continue to live life and do things that make you happy.  I have chosen the greater path, grabbed Jesus' hand, and continued on with life.  However, I do know one thing….I will continue to love with all my heart…some will run, but I am waiting for the one that stays! 

*It never fails…those Priests and their homilies will put tears in my eyes and make me see the bigger picture.  It's been awhile since I have actually cried in church, but this summer, I have cried a couple times.  Wiping those tears that flow down my face reminds me that the Lord is there for me, he will take all my hurt, my worries, my anxiety, and my fears…he will conquer them and help me to make me the strongest person I have ever been.  

*I'm still riding my bike, but far less than before!  I had a ride planned in May, but the friend that I was riding with ruptured her calf and was unable to ride, so I bowed out too!  We are riding the Bikes & Brews ride in the Royal Gorge in September and I can hardly wait!  We even recruited another person that just began riding this summer!

*Running has been on my back burner this summer and I need motivation!!!!  However, I did bust out the sneaks and ran 4 miles yesterday, boy did I need that therapy!  

*I became a member of Orange Theory Fitness in April, and I just happened to find the new love of my workout life!  Oh that place….AUH-MAZING!  It is a group workout session for an hour…30 minutes of rowing/crossfit and 30 minutes of interval training on the treadmill.  I am freaking out, as I signed up for their Dri-Tri that is next Sunday….2000 meters of rowing/300 reps in the gym/5K run!  WHAT AM I THINKING?!?!?!?!!?!?

*I am anxiously awaiting the visit of my parents this weekend and my sister and her family over Labor Day weekend!  I need some time with my favorite people!  It couldn't come at a better time for me right now! 

*School, well I'm still grinding away!!!  I am finishing up my 4th class of grad school and seriously can't wait for Christmas break as I have no breaks until then!  I think for the first time ever in my life I have a 4.0 GPA…WHOOP WHOOP!!!!  :)

Alright, I think that sums up my summer!  I still have a hiking/camping trip from Aspen to Crested Butte coming up, visitors, biking riding, and more fun that I am sure will be a blast!  

Through all the things that I did this summer, I have to say that I am ready for Fall!  I can't wait to get my decorations up, buy my favorite Fall scents from Bath & Body Works, see the beautiful scenery through this gorgeous state, a virtual 5k with some of my favorite bloggers, and of course my Chiefs, who won their first pre-season game!  I can't wait to do that Tomahawk chop at Arrowhead (I'm praying I can make it to KC for a game)!!!!!!! 

Ok, I think that is enough!  I always promise to not go MIA from this part of my life, but I always do!!  When I do I think about it, and then don't write, but as I wrote this post it was good therapy for me and hopefully motivation to keep on writing!  Well, I am signing off to put a little Whitney Houston on the pandora and get to cleaning for the rents visit this weekend!  

MUAH!!!!!

Preparing my heart for Easter...

It's been a long, long time since I have blogged…in fact, it was January 1st…dang…I have missed this little part of my world!  Don't get me wrong, I have read and kept up with the rest of my blog world…just getting the motivation to post something has been difficult for me!  I started grad school…so all my writing efforts have gone into that…believe me when I say that I would much rather be writing a blog post than an APA format paper!!!

Today is Ash Wednesday…one of my favorite season in the liturgical calendar.  I take this season to heart and really evaluate my life and how I am living it.
I am not perfect…
I sin…
I make bad choices…
I gossip…
I complain…
I make excuses for being a better person…
I lack on my prayers…
So, as you can see…I have a lot of work to do this Lenten season.  But, I am motivated to be a better person!
I am motivated to make better choices…
I am motivated to say nice things about people…
I am motivated to not complain as much…
I am motivated to be a better person…
I am motivated to get back into my prayer regimen that has been lacking…

As I remember the sacrifices that Jesus made for me to walk on the earth and be a sinner…I am ready to make sacrifices in my life to prove to him that he didn't walk this earth for me to take advantage of it!

In order to help with my motivation list I have given a few things up in order to become that person I strive to be!
I am giving up Facebook…that stupid little social media site sucks a ton of my time for no reason at all.  Most of the posts on there are not even worth reading, in fact I have found myself getting angry or irritated with some posts that people have posted…so alas, Facebook…after these 40 days and 40 nights, I just might not know you even exist!
I am striving to be a more positive person…there have been a lot of changes at my place of employment lately and I have noticed that I have been a negative nancy…which is not something that I want to be known for.  If I have noticed this about myself, I am more than positive that there are people that think the same thing…so I am here to say that I am going to make an effort everyday to be more positive…it is so needed in order to prepare my heart for Easter!!
I have to biggest sweet tooth imaginable…so I am making the sacrifice to give up all sweets for 40 days and 40 nights!  Last week when I decided this, I literally started stuffing my face with candy, chocolate,  cookies, pumpkin bread, scones…and well everything in between…I realized I have a problem!  Hello, my name is Allison, and I'm an addict…to sweets that is!
As I was sitting in mass this morning, the announcement was made that Stations of the Cross are held every Friday during Lent…right then and there I made a decision to attend at least half of the Stations during Lent!

There you have it…I am ready to prepare my heart for the coming of the risen Lord on April 20th!  I am excited to see how the Lord will help me with the sacrifices I have chosen to make…he is there…EVERY.STEP.OF.THE.WAY!!!  I will collapse into prayer when I am struggling…

2014 Bucket List

As I look at what I want to accomplish in 2014, I am a little overwhelmed, but I know from 2013 that if I put my mind to something, I will succeed…time and time again!  So, here are the things that I want to accomplish in 2014!  To me, it's a bucket list…those resolutions…well they fail…all.the.time!  People start them, and they never finish…ever!  So, by calling it a bucket list…I am hoping that I will be able to avoid the disappointment in February! 

Finish my first year of graduate school with a 4.0…this is a HUGE goal for me because school DOES NOT come easy for me!  I will be working my ass off to accomplish this bullet point…but I know that if I put my mind to it and work hard, I will be able to do it!!!

Read the bible!  Reading the bible is something that I have always wanted to do.  I have a bible app on my iPad that has a program to read the bible in 365 days…starting today I am going to read the bible in a course of a year!  

Run 500-1000 miles…I haven't shared with most of you that I now have a running coach!  I am just about to finish my first 8 weeks with him.  I am loving it, and I wanted to make a goal of how many miles I will run because last year I never thought it was possible to run 13.1 miles and I accomplished!  Running is something that I have learned to love…it has become my therapy and something that I make time for!

Cycle 1000 miles…my love for cycling is still there, it has just been overtaken by my running!  I want to spend more time on my saddle this year…especially since I got a bike carrier for my new car…and I was secretly more excited about the carrier than my car! 

Continue my budget,..I started a budget in November…and it's been hard!  December didn't go so well, but I am determined to start this year off on a budget and stay on one until I get somethings paid off!  

Eat healthier…I do really well for a while, and then I binge on bad food.  It takes me a while to get back on the healthy eating kick again!  So, I am starting January 7th with a 10 day Advocare cleanse…in hopes that it'll kick off some healthy eating that will continue forever!!! 

Pay it forward once a month…I read about my fellow bloggers paying it forward…and I get a little jealous that they are being so generous to strangers!  I can't wait to pay it forward to someone that may not expect it!  Putting a smile on someone's face is going to be the greatest reward!

There you have it…my bucket list for 2014!  Here's to having a successful 2014!  I can't wait to see what this year will bring me!  I am excited to start and get the most out of this year!

What I learned in 2013...

I've learned….
…that I am strong…much stronger than I ever thought I was.
…that when you put your mind to something and don't give up, you will surprise yourself in the best   way possible.
…that one's heart will always have enough room for the love of a nephew.
…that the feeling on holding your 3 day old nephew is the best feeling in the world.
…that running 13.1 miles will make you feel like a beast.
…that friend's will make sacrifices to support you while you are running those 13.1 miles…like getting         out of bed at 0500 to run up and down the half marathon course just so that you have the motivation to finish.
…that spending time with the people that you love most will never get old.  In fact, as I get older I live for spending quality time with them.
…that no matter how hard it is to tell a friend the hardest truth to save them from continuing to be miserable, just say it…in the end it'll be the best for both of you.
…that I will eventually love buying running shoes…Brooks, you are the bomb.com!
…that hard work pays off…and eventually you will reap reward for it.
…that cycling 100 miles in one day is hard…but oh so worth it!
…that Denver has given me a new love for life…this city is amazing!
…that forgiveness is hard, but in the end is a weight lifted off your shoulder when you finally realize that it's not worth holding the grudge.
…that some people just aren't who you thought they were.
…that being 30 has already been the best year I have lived and I'm only 2 months in!
…that the person you thought would never turn their back on you, will…and it's hard, you will shed a tear, your heart will be angry, you will long to have their friendship, but you only wish them the best in the end no matter how disappointed you are.
…that my little sister is the best friend I can have…how did I get so lucky to have a sister like her!  We didn't get to chose each other for a sister, but we have chosen to be the best of friends!
…that I am not the best blogger out there…I long to be like my blogging friends, but something just take the back burner to more important things in life.  I'm trying…
…that going back to school will give me emotions that I haven't felt in a long time…oh the anxiety of starting in 7 days!
…that my career is blossoming…and hard work pays off!
…that Delta Zeta is what is promised to be…it has crossed my path with many amazing women!
…that I will get a running coach because I long to be fast!
…that you will continue to miss some people that left this world for a better one in heaven, and each year that passes you long to share your current life with them!
…that cable is a money trap…cancel that shit!!!
…that my love for a 4 lb. yorkie is the best love of all time!  And the love she gives back…well there is nothing comparable!
…that sticking by your favorite NFL team will pay off…going from the worst team to the playoffs!  GO CHIEFS!!!
…that life is not complete without a cruiser to pedal around with your pals!
…that taking a girl's trip is a necessity…like every year necessity!
…that certain people will come into you life for a reason.
…and that no matter what, trying to the best version of yourself is hard work, but totally worth it!

Here's to being an even better person, friend, sister, daughter, nurse, and Catholic in 2014!!!