Posted May 5, 2016 on www.caringbridge.org/visit/allisonchaput
Waking up this morning was rough on me. There were tears; lots of tears. Little Mia was there to lick them away; oh that puppy, how I love her! I woke up and said my prayers, thanking God that I am alive and that I am breathing; but the thought of chemo bombarded my head, and I couldn't hold back the tears. I like to think that the tears were both those of happy ones and those of being overwhelmed and still living in this nightmare. I was happy because finally the day had come that I was going to be in control of the cancer, but also overwhelmed because the fact is, I still have cancer. I woke up to about 25 text messages and over 50 Facebook notifications….what love I am feeling! Believe me when I say that I am feeling each and everyone of your prayers, good vibes, positive thoughts, and tears!!! Oh how, I love you all!
Round #1 of chemo is finished, and I am at more peace than I ever thought I would be. Ian told me to today that I look more like myself than I have in the last week. That made me smile, and know that on my heart I am now moving forward. The two days between getting discharged from the hospital and sitting at home waiting around for my first chemotherapy treatment was long and grueling. All that ran through my head was that I was just sitting here, letting this cancer grow in me and I'm not doing anything about it. The cancer had control of my life. With the cancer in control, I wasn't sure what my future held, I wasn't sure how normal my life would be again, I wasn't sure what activities I could continue to do. Could I go to my friend's bachelorette party in a few weeks? Would I ruin her wedding pictures because I was the bald bridesmaid? I felt like my job, my life, my world, and my happiness were taken away from me.
My chemo infusion lasted about 2.5 hours this morning. My mom, dad, Ian, and his mom were there with my every step of the way. We had an hour session of education, that we all needed. I mean, I have been an ICU nurse for 9 years now, but oncology and chemotherapy is so foreign to me. The number one bummer; I can't have sushi for at least 18 weeks, and I am already counting the days until I can eat sushi!!!
The NP assumes that I will start to have symptoms on Sunday, and they will be flu-like symptoms; aching and fatigue. I will have time to get to Blackhawk this weekend with my family for some wedding planning before I start to feel like poo! My dad told me today while he was sitting with me that he just wanted the mega dose, for me to feel like shit, and then in 6 months I would feel better than ever…oh my dad, he wants this gone so bad, we all do! But the reality is, we wait. We have chemo, we wait for it to destroy the cells, we get more scans, and we wait. One thing that I have learned about my dad this last week is that he has NO patience at all; and we all thought he was calm and patient and the peace maker!
I finally feel like I am in control of this disease and that it is being killed and removed from my body. I will be off work for at least 6 weeks, but much to my surprise I was told that I would be able to return to work even when I am receiving chemo. I was shocked; I thought there was no way they would let me work the whole 18 weeks of treatment. We will reevaluate my return to work in the middle of June; and that gives me time to know how my body will react to chemo and how to coordinate my schedule with the chemo. At least one thing will be normal in my life; work!
I will go to sleep tonight thanking God for the drugs that do kill the cancer, thanking him for my life, thanking him for Ian, thanking him for all the friends he has placed in my life, thanking him for my loving family who dropped everything at midnight on a Wednesday night when I called and drove 3.5 hours to be with me through this nightmare, and I will thank him mostly for him; the one that gives me the strength, courage, hope, power, and love to beat this awful disease!
Here's to getting through the next 3 weeks; round two will be on May 26th!!!
Round #1 of chemo is finished, and I am at more peace than I ever thought I would be. Ian told me to today that I look more like myself than I have in the last week. That made me smile, and know that on my heart I am now moving forward. The two days between getting discharged from the hospital and sitting at home waiting around for my first chemotherapy treatment was long and grueling. All that ran through my head was that I was just sitting here, letting this cancer grow in me and I'm not doing anything about it. The cancer had control of my life. With the cancer in control, I wasn't sure what my future held, I wasn't sure how normal my life would be again, I wasn't sure what activities I could continue to do. Could I go to my friend's bachelorette party in a few weeks? Would I ruin her wedding pictures because I was the bald bridesmaid? I felt like my job, my life, my world, and my happiness were taken away from me.
My chemo infusion lasted about 2.5 hours this morning. My mom, dad, Ian, and his mom were there with my every step of the way. We had an hour session of education, that we all needed. I mean, I have been an ICU nurse for 9 years now, but oncology and chemotherapy is so foreign to me. The number one bummer; I can't have sushi for at least 18 weeks, and I am already counting the days until I can eat sushi!!!
The NP assumes that I will start to have symptoms on Sunday, and they will be flu-like symptoms; aching and fatigue. I will have time to get to Blackhawk this weekend with my family for some wedding planning before I start to feel like poo! My dad told me today while he was sitting with me that he just wanted the mega dose, for me to feel like shit, and then in 6 months I would feel better than ever…oh my dad, he wants this gone so bad, we all do! But the reality is, we wait. We have chemo, we wait for it to destroy the cells, we get more scans, and we wait. One thing that I have learned about my dad this last week is that he has NO patience at all; and we all thought he was calm and patient and the peace maker!
I finally feel like I am in control of this disease and that it is being killed and removed from my body. I will be off work for at least 6 weeks, but much to my surprise I was told that I would be able to return to work even when I am receiving chemo. I was shocked; I thought there was no way they would let me work the whole 18 weeks of treatment. We will reevaluate my return to work in the middle of June; and that gives me time to know how my body will react to chemo and how to coordinate my schedule with the chemo. At least one thing will be normal in my life; work!
I will go to sleep tonight thanking God for the drugs that do kill the cancer, thanking him for my life, thanking him for Ian, thanking him for all the friends he has placed in my life, thanking him for my loving family who dropped everything at midnight on a Wednesday night when I called and drove 3.5 hours to be with me through this nightmare, and I will thank him mostly for him; the one that gives me the strength, courage, hope, power, and love to beat this awful disease!
Here's to getting through the next 3 weeks; round two will be on May 26th!!!
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