Results

I know this is a post that you are all anxiously awaiting, and I apologize for not posting it sooner, but I have been having a hard this week emotionally and mentally.  I am trying to be that brave, strong person that you all know, but sometimes it all just comes to a head and you have to let it out.  I think that if Ian looks over at me in the car one more time and I'm crying he might pull over and drop me off on the side of the road.  My mind is going a hundred miles a minute and spinning like crazy.  I'm so worried that I am not making the right decisions in my treatment…it's a constant battle to know what the right treatment plan is.
Alright, on to the result of my PET scan that I had last Monday.  My parents came to town for my appointment with my oncologist…that whole office knows that when my name is on the schedule that I will bring an entourage!  My primary tumor has shrunk 2 cm, but the cancer activity is increased.  I am not exactly sure what that means, but my oncologist didn't seem too worried about it.  The affected lymph nodes in my first PET scan are showing improvement.  However, there are two new lymph nodes that showed up, one in my chest and one in my abdomen.  They are small and the cancer activity isn't much at all, so my oncologist is thinking that they are enlarged due to inflammation from my cough that I have had for 3 weeks.  She wanted another radiologist to look at my scan before making a treatment recommendation and I should hear from her tomorrow.  While we didn't receive bad news, I think that we all wanted better news.
I'm not sure I can go through another round of chemo….I felt awful after the last one.  The oral treatment has a side effect of a rash that about 70% of the patients get, so of course I'm worried about a rash for my wedding.  However, the women that I have talked to that are on Tarceva were no evidence of disease within 6-8 months of starting the drug, and I am already 3 months into this diagnosis and haven't even started the drug yet.  So, as you can tell the emotional and mental game I am playing with myself as to what treatment plan I want to go with is definitely weighing on me.  And this cough, I am so over it.  I started coughing the weekend of 4th of July, and I am still coughing.  My oncologist prescribed me an antibiotic and I took my last dose today.  I think that it is getting better, but every time I think about it getting better, I start coughing.  I have eaten my weight in cough drops and am so over them, but they suppress my cough, so they are a necessity!  Those stupid little drops have even decreased my appetite because all I can taste is them.  UUGGG!!!  I will try to update more later this week when I hear from my oncologist, which should be tomorrow!

Tonight I will pray for all the doctors involved in my care that they make the best decision in my treatment plan, I pray that this cough will leave me alone, I pray for my emotional and mental well being, I will thank him for what he has given me in this life, I will thank him for the amazing sermon in church tonight of not giving up, it was just what I needed to hear, and I will of course thank him for him for I am standing tall and being brave because he has given me love, peace, and hope.