Forgiveness

Blogtember: Describe a distinct moment when your life took a turn.

I am skipping a few days on Blogtember...mostly because I am so far behind...

I, for sure wanted to do this topic because I have thought about this moment a lot the last few months.

A lot because I am truly happy...

It's not a time in my life that I was happy or smiled every day, but it's a time that turned my life around.

It was the moment when you realize that you are just not happy, and all of a sudden you do something about it without even thinking...

There was a boy...and well this boy was less than par...my family, my friends, my co-workers...they all knew it, but me...I thought it was love, happiness, and the best relationship ever.

It took a little over a year to realize that the fighting, accusations, and constant wondering would soon drain all the energy I had. 

December 22, 2009....I said those words..."You know, I am just not happy." 

And it was over...he was mad and thought I was the worst person in the world, but it was a weight lifted off my shoulder.

As soon as I said those words, it hit me that I had been miserable for almost a year...

As I was moving on and getting over this relationship...

I was happy...

I was able to do what I wanted to do...

I was able to be the person I really was...

I was never wondering what he was "really" doing...

And then I got a phone call from his friend's wife...he's getting married in a week...

His wedding day was 1 1/2 month after I said those words that I thought would make me happier...

I heard those words..."He's getting married", and I was broken.

All the accusations he had against me, I should've had against him...

How can he be getting married when he just spent over a year of his life with me and it had only been over for 6 weeks...

I am so stupid to think that he was being honest with me...

I should have known those things he was accusing me of doing was actually what he was doing...

And I didn't get out of bed for 4 days...

My heart was ripped out of my chest and stomped on...

I cried all the tears I could ever make...

No one had ever hurt me the way he just did...

As I crawled out of bed 4 days later to go to church and then to work, I tried many times to talk myself out of going to church...

I didn't feel like getting ready...

I wasn't ready to sit there and really think about everything...

But, I did...and I am so glad I did!

As I sat through the homily it was about forgiveness....

The priest said..."You can't expect God to give you forgiveness for your sins, if you can't forgive."

That statement put instant tears in my eyes...

It was like God knew I needed to hear that...

I didn't think I would have ever been able to forgive him...

He hurt me to the core....

As those tears spilled out of my eyes, the old lady next to me, who I didn't know held my hand, and I felt peace in my heart.

At that moment, I spoke to my heart and said...

"I forgive him." 

And I walked out of church feeling amazing...the best I had felt in over a year...

It was an amazing feeling...

As time went on...life was amazing...

Of course, he called again...you all know how that goes...

But in the end, I know I ended up the happier person...

Happy without him...

As the summer went on, I decided to make huge life changes...

I did something for myself...

I went travel nursing...

I meet wonderful people, had great experiences, explored places I had never been, learned more than imaginable...

Had I not had that experience...

That heart wrenching experience, I might not have found myself. 

I found who I truly was through this experience.

What I want in life, what I won't put up with, what kind of person I want to share my life with, what makes me happy, how much my family and friends love me, and most of all...

I learned that God, above all people want me to be happy, and he spoke to heart so that I would be happy, he lead my in the direction he had planned for me.  

I learned to love myself....if you don't love yourself how can you ever love anyone else.

I have no idea where I would be without this experience, but as much as it hurt then, I am so glad it happened.  I love my life so much....in fact, I didn't know that I could be so happy!