Rough Week...

It has been a rough week in the CVICU...we have had a patient that has been there since April 4th, each one of us grew fond of this man and I know that he touched each of us!  This patient had open heart surgery, then had to go back to surgery for abdominal issues,  and then back to surgery to have a permanent pacemaker placed...so he was with us through the long haul.  This week as I was working nights, I did my usual as I did everyday I worked and popped into his room to say hi and see how he was doing, but on Thursday night, I didn't have time to get in there before I started my assesments as I had a fresh post-op open heart and another patient that was 2nd day post-op.  So, when Jamie came to me and said, "Allison, I need your help, he is having bright red bloody stools." my heart seriously dropped.  From then on, it was a night from hell.  We rapidly infused 7 units of blood after we put in a NG tube (a tube that goes in your nose and down to your stomach) and sucked out a liter of blood, we were pushing calcium, bicarb, and amps of epinephrine like it was going out of style, and he was on every pressor (medication to keep your blood pressure up) known to man-kind. He had the look of death written all over his face. There was one time when Jamie looked at him and asked him if he want to keep fighting and he shook his head no, I seriously lost it!!!  There was no way that I was going to be able to stop from crying!  This is the patient that everyone spoiled...when he was NPO (nothing by mouth) after his abdominal surgery, we would give him soda to dip his swabs in, we did a cheer when he first started passing gas after his surgery that made him laugh, we praised him when he was able to get up and walk down the hallway, when he was doing well we took him outside on nice days to get some fresh air since he had been in the hospital so long, he was the patient that called you sweetheart even when you made him do something that he didn't want to do or didn't have the energy to do, he was the patient that just put a smile on my face.
Despite every effort that we did that night, he didn't make it and he went to heaven to be reunited with his wife that he only lost in November.  I pray that his son makes it through grieving for both parents, because personally, I don't know if I would be able to survive losing both of my parents in a 6 month time.
As I sit here tonight, with my balcony door open listening to the waves of the ocean, I hope that he is looking over me and all the other nurses that took care of him.  I pray that he continues to look over each of us nurses on the CVICU as we continue to take care of the people that need us the most!  It's patients like him that make our job worthwhile and makes dealing with the difficult patients a little bit easier!