Bipolar Heart

As I sit and write this my heart is full of happiness, yet it has a little sadness in it as well!  I am not sure what to feel right now.
I am a huge family person…like HUGE!
I would spend every minute of every day with my family if that was realistic!
I have the best family in the world…

I am happy because my 14 yr. old nephew is on cloud 9 since he got on the  freshman"A" team in basketball….
His dream….His life…His love…
His smile is priceless and the biggest I have ever seen it!

I am happy because in July I will be the Auntie of 4 kids instead of 3…
My older sister is pregnant and blessing our family with another little baby!
I will have another one to spoil and love with all my heart!

I am happy because I just got to spend 2 solid days with my nephew Owen!
It was just me and Owen!
He had me smiling every minute of those two days!
He snuggled in my arms and slept so peacefully!

I am happy because my mailbox is full of Christmas cards from family and friends….near and far!
There are constant knocks at my door to deliver my family's Christmas presents!
I got to spend time with friends at an ugly Christmas sweater party…and had a blast!
I am spending the day in my kitchen making Christmas goodies for my friends and family.

I am happy….

There is that one part of my heart that is….
….sad
….depressed
…full of tears.

I left my hometown Friday evening with my eyes full of tears.
Knowing that I would be back there nor see my family until after Christmas is over, is a hard thing for my to swallow.
It happens every other year…but it doesn't get any easier.
Working the holidays is something that I despise the most…
Anyone would rather be with their family…including me!

My happiness definitely trumps my sadness, but spending the holidays by myself and working is hard…oh so very hard.
Going to Christmas eve mass by myself is not ideal….
Walking into an empty apartment on Christmas morning after work is tough…
Calling my family to wish them a Merry Christmas instead of telling them in person is torturous…

So while I am taking care of your family while wishing like hell I was with mine.
Hold your family dear and don't take for granted the holidays that you get to spend with your family.
I know that during Thanksgiving I cherished every single second I had with them as I knew it would pass to quickly and like the snap of a finger our 2013 holiday would be over….


*I wrote this post on December 18th and completely forgot about it…but I still wanted to post it!*